Market reference note: This article draws on data from both Korea and the United States. Each piece of information is labeled 🇰🇷 Korea or 🇺🇸 U.S. in the body to indicate which country it applies to.
The moment a parent's health begins to decline, an invisible tug-of-war starts inside the family. Who visits, and how often? Who books the doctor's appointments? Who covers the costs? The tighter that rope is pulled, the fewer words pass between siblings — and before long, messages in the family group chat go unacknowledged. This conflict does not arise from hatred. In most cases, it begins with roles that were never clearly defined.
🇺🇸 U.S. In a survey of 1,008 American adults who had cared for or were currently caring for a parent aged 65 or older, Bay Alarm Medical found that 43% described themselves as their family's primary caregiver even when siblings were present. On average, these primary caregivers shouldered 53% of the total care responsibilities on their own. 🇺🇸 U.S. In the same survey, 46% of respondents said a daughter served as the hands-on caregiver — nearly three times the 17% who said a son was the primary caregiver. The tendency for caregiving to fall naturally to whoever lives nearby, or to a particular family member based on gender, is just as familiar in Korea.
🇰🇷 Korea According to Statistics Korea's 2024 Elderly Statistics, as of 2023, single-person elderly households make up 37.8% of all elderly households, and 18.7% of those respondents said there was no one available to help them. In Korea, the structure in which the child who lives physically closest to the parent almost automatically becomes the primary caregiver has become deeply entrenched. 🇰🇷 Korea Research from the Korea Institute for Health and Social Affairs points out that the rapid progression toward nuclear and smaller families has weakened caregiving functions within the family unit, and that the resulting gap feeds directly into conflict between siblings.
Where does the spark of conflict actually ignite? 🇺🇸 U.S. In the Bay Alarm Medical survey, the leading source of sibling conflict was money (36%), followed by an imbalance in time and effort (26%). 🇺🇸 U.S. In that same survey, 69% of respondents said they had argued with a sibling over a parent's care. 🇺🇸 U.S. AARP research indicates that roughly one-third of adults aged 50 and older have experienced inheritance or financial conflict within their family. When differences in effort become entangled with money disputes, the emotional wounds tend to linger far longer.
What makes this conflict especially serious is that it does not simply damage relationships — it goes further than that. 🇺🇸 U.S. In a study of 100 adult child caregivers, 40% reported experiencing serious conflict with siblings or other family members, and caregivers dealing with conflict showed higher levels of burden and poorer mental health than those who did not. When the weight of caregiving falls on one person and family support disappears as well, caregiver burnout arrives much faster.
So how can you begin the conversation? The first step experts consistently recommend is to create a list — one that everyone can see — of who is currently doing what. The goal is not to keep score, but to ensure that everyone is working from the same understanding of reality. A sibling who lives far away can contribute through financial support or managing online schedules; a sibling who is nearby can contribute through in-person visits and hands-on physical care. Recognizing time, money, and emotional support as three distinct but equally valid currencies is the starting point for any honest conversation about dividing roles. 🇺🇸 U.S. Seeking help from a neutral third party — such as a family therapist, social worker, or geriatric care manager — is also widely recommended as an effective approach.
One thing worth keeping in mind: a sibling who appears to be causing conflict is often expressing feelings of helplessness and fear through distance or seeming indifference. The person doing the hands-on caregiving feels as though they are carrying everything; the person far away feels as though there is no room for them. Neither feeling is wrong. If the conversation has stalled, what comes first is not an argument meant to persuade — it is a simple statement of your own experience: "This is where I am right now."
Sources: Statistics Korea, 2024 Elderly Statistics (Statistics Korea press release, October 2024); Korea Institute for Health and Social Affairs, Research on Family Conflict and Response Strategies (National Assembly Research Service); Bay Alarm Medical Sibling Scorecard Survey (2026); AARP and NAC, Caregiving in the US 2025 (July 2025); PubMed, "Impact of family conflict on adult child caregivers" (1991); A Place for Mom Caregiver Statistics 2026; Arbors Assisted Living, "Tips on Financial Conflict Between Siblings."
Note: This article was compiled by AI from the sources cited above. We strive for accuracy, but for decisions about your specific situation, please confirm the latest guidance from a professional or the relevant agency.