Market reference note: This article draws on materials from both Korea and the United States. Each piece of information is labeled in the body with 🇰🇷 Korea or 🇺🇸 U.S. to indicate which country it applies to.
Have you ever had a sudden feeling, even while your parents are still by your side, that you have lost something? In the moment you vaguely sense that your elder will not return to the same expression, the same voice you once knew, a corner of your heart quietly crumbles. There is a name for this feeling. It is called 'anticipatory grief.' It is the grief of mourning an approaching separation before the actual loss has occurred. There is nothing strange about it. It is, rather, a natural response that arises precisely because you love.
Anticipatory grief is the process of experiencing in advance emotions similar to those that follow bereavement — anxiety, helplessness, and at times anger. 🇺🇸 U.S. According to materials published by AARP in December 2024, anticipatory grief can begin at the moment of a diagnosis of a progressive illness such as dementia or cancer, and may appear months or even years before the actual loss occurs. This is because losing 'the normalcy of everyday life' from the very moment of diagnosis is itself already a form of loss.
🇺🇸 U.S. Research on family caregivers of people living with dementia (PubMed, 2025) has repeatedly confirmed that anticipatory grief is significantly associated with increased symptoms of depression and anxiety in caregivers, as well as a decline in quality of life. There is also a tendency for the level of anticipatory grief to rise alongside the caregiving burden the caregiver carries. This means that grief is not a sign of weakness, but a mark left behind by the intensity of caregiving.
🇰🇷 Korea Looking at the results of the 2023 Dementia Epidemiology and Status Survey published by the 보건복지부 중앙치매센터 (Ministry of Health and Welfare's Central Dementia Center), approximately 45.8% of family members caring for elders with dementia in the community reported a high level of caregiving burden, and the greatest negative change among quality-of-life impacts due to caregiving appeared in the area of 'mental health.' The average length of time families provided direct care before admission to a care facility was 27.3 months. Watching a parent change gradually over more than two years is a continuous series of long farewells.
There is one important thing to understand about anticipatory grief. This grief exists somewhere between 'not yet' and 'already.' Your parents are here with you right now, but a part of the person you once knew has already changed. This ambiguity itself makes things harder for caregivers. It is confusing — 'Is it all right to feel this longing?' and 'Am I being unfilial by grieving like this?' The answer is clear. It is all right to grieve. That grief is an honest emotion.
So how can you manage this feeling? Experts suggest a few directions. First, simply giving the emotion a name can reduce the psychological burden. Recognizing 'I am experiencing anticipatory grief right now' is the starting point. Second, connecting with caregivers who have had similar experiences is helpful. 🇺🇸 U.S. AARP operates an online grief support community for caregivers at aarp.org/griefcommunity. 🇰🇷 Korea 전국 치매안심센터 (Dementia Care Centers across the country) also provide counseling and family support programs for families of people with dementia, free of charge. Third, when the grief feels overwhelming, do not be afraid to seek help from a professional counselor. 🇰🇷 Korea There is also a psychological counseling voucher support program available through 정신건강복지센터 (Mental Health Welfare Centers).
Above all, anticipatory grief is not something to swallow alone in silence, but a process to let flow slowly, together with others. Because your love for your parents runs deep, your grief runs deep as well — there is no need to be ashamed of that depth. Today, I would like to gently give a name to that nameless weight resting inside your heart.
Sources: 보건복지부 중앙치매센터 (Ministry of Health and Welfare's Central Dementia Center), "2023년 치매역학조사 및 실태조사" (2024); AARP, "Anticipatory Grief: Mourning a Loss Before It Happens" (December 2024); PubMed — Anticipatory grief among caregivers of people living with dementia: A scoping review (2025); 보건복지부 (Ministry of Health and Welfare), "2024년 국민 정신건강 지식 및 태도 조사" (2024); 국립정신건강센터 (National Center for Mental Health), "국가 정신건강현황 보고서 2024"; 한국의학윤리학회지 (Korean Journal of Medical Ethics) — Study on family loss experiences before the death of terminal cancer patients (e-kjme.org).
Note: This article was compiled by AI from the sources cited above. We strive for accuracy, but for decisions about your specific situation, please confirm the latest guidance from a professional or the relevant agency.